


No-Hiding Theorem

by bevmantle



Category: Half-Life, freeman's mind
Genre: Hate Sex, M/M, Multi, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Strap-Ons, Trans Barney Calhoun, Trans Character, Trans Gordon Freemind, Trans porn by a trans author, Verbal Humiliation, anyway, its me again! w more t4t hl fic, sorry the character tagging for this is atrocious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:55:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27738769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bevmantle/pseuds/bevmantle
Summary: The no-hiding theorem is the ultimate proof of the conservation of quantum information. If entropy represents information in quantum theory, then it is believed then that information should somehow be conserved. The theorem proves that missing information is never hidden—it simply resides elsewhere.The battle's been won, the suppression field's come down—and some temporal bullshit means that Gordon's been swapped for a ruder, meaner version of himself from a parallel universe. Now Barney's stuck with him and a whole lot of misplaced sexual frustration. You can hardly blame him for giving in, really.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman, Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman (Freeman's Mind), Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman/Gordon Freeman (Freeman's Mind)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 91





	1. Missing Information

**Author's Note:**

> no minors please! mind the rating and the tags
> 
> freemind and barney are both transmasc and i use a variety of terms for genitalia. i refer to freemind as both "gordon" and "freeman" in this fic (as opposed to "freemind") bc thats what he calls himself, and bc hl gordon isnt physically present. i think thats it, lmk if i missed anything

Barney flicked the light on and swore under his breath. The last person he had expected to see in his quarters that evening was Freeman. “What are you, some kinda unlucky penny?”

“Not happy to see me?” Gordon asked, one eyebrow raised. He was leaning back in Barney’s wooden desk chair, feet up on the desk with no regard for the papers scattered across its surface.

Barney sighed, massaging his temples with one hand. “What d’you want, Freeman?”

“What, a guy can’t make a social call? Maybe I’m lonely, ever think of that?”

Barney looked up at the ceiling. “Look, I just wanna get some sleep, okay? We can talk tomorrow. I’ll get someone to give you the tour, maybe you can make a friend, though why anyone would willingly spend time with you is a mystery to me.”

“Ouch,” Gordon said, touching a hand to his chest in a gesture of mock-sadness. “But sure, I guess I can let you sleep. If that’s what you want.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Gordon swung his legs off the desk, the chair righting itself with a dull _thud._ He reached down, pulling a harness and strap-on from the desk drawer and holding it aloft. “You and my counterpart have been getting busy, huh? Don’t worry, I won’t judge.”

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Barney reached forward, grabbing it out of Gordon’s hands. Gordon let him take it and leaned back in the chair again. “What’d you do, go through all my shit while I was out? Come on.”

“Didn’t deny it, though,” Gordon pointed out. “Hey, if you wanna get with a _real_ man, lemme know. I mean, I’m kinda hot shit right now, temporal anomaly and all, but play your cards right and I can pencil you in.”

“Hey!” Barney leveled a finger at him. “I don’t need any of that _real man_ crap from you. You let me know right now, are we gonna have a problem?”

Gordon groaned. “Fucking...no! Look, _all_ I’m saying is that you don’t have to be _born_ a man to _be_ a man, and either way, that sorry excuse for a scientist ain’t one. I think I would fucking know, it took a _long_ time and a _lot_ of money to become the perfect specimen of manhood that currently sits before you.”

“Huh.” Barney blinked. “Okay, that...makes sense, I guess. That both of you’d be the same like that.”

“Wanna see if we’re the same everywhere?” Gordon said, leering.

“Cool it with that crap,” Barney snapped. “Me and Gordon aren’t—we’re not—just drop it, alright?”

Gordon arched an eyebrow. “Oh, now _this_ is interesting. You’re telling me that you and him aren’t currently fucking each other’s brains out on the regular?”

Barney gritted his teeth. “Not that it’s any of your business...but no. We’re not.”

Gordon studied him, crossing his arms over his chest. “But you want to. Hence the strap.” When Barney didn’t say anything, Gordon nodded. “Uh huh. Thought so. So what’s the deal?”

“There is no _deal,”_ Barney said. Gordon didn’t respond, and after a moment, Barney spoke again. “...Look, he was in stasis for twenty-odd years, which—I mean, it’s not like I expected to just pick up where we left off, okay, plus the guy has _trauma,_ it’s—it’s complicated.”

Gordon snorted. “There is _nothing_ complicated about sex. You’re either having it or you’re not. Besides, I overheard some stuff earlier about suppression fields. Kinda figured everyone’d be fucking like bunnies.”

Barney looked to the side, scratching his neck. “Some people are. I guess.”

“So what? He turned you down?”

Barney didn’t say anything, just tightened his jaw. Gordon noticed and pointed at him, cackling. “Oh, he _did!”_

Barney was on him in a flash, one hand gripping Gordon’s face so tightly that Gordon had no choice but to open his mouth in a tiny _o._ “You don’t get to say _shit_ about me and him,” Barney hissed. He shook Gordon’s face once for emphasis, then let go, taking a step back.

Gordon reached up to rub at his jaw, smirking. “Or what?”

“There is no _or what,_ just don’t fucking do it!”

Gordon shrugged, still looking smug. Barney studied him, eyes narrowed. Gordon waited, then spoke up again: “So you really haven’t so much as jacked it in twenty years, huh? Damn, you must be pent the fuck up.”

Barney scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Look, let’s cut the bullshit,” Gordon continued. “It’s a fact that I could have anyone here that I wanted, but...you’re not completely unattractive, so I’d be willing to do you a favor and let you fuck me.”

Barney rolled his eyes. “Oh, you’d be doing _me_ a favor? That’s funny. ‘Cause from where I’m standing, _you’re_ the one who sounds pretty desperate.”

“Hey! I’m giving you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to fuck Gordon Freeman! If you’re extra nice maybe I’ll even flutter my lashes and say _‘Oh, Barney!’_ when you cum so you can pretend you’re fucking your gay boyfriend or whatever.”

“What the hell is your _problem?”_ Barney said, but he hesitated, eyes flicking down at the strap in his hand.

Gordon snorted, shaking his head. _“You’re_ the one with the problem. _I’m_ providing a solution.”

Barney exhaled. “If I agree to...this,” he said, voice rough, “it stays between us. You got that?”

Freeman grinned. “Secret’s safe with me, gayboy.”

“Says the guy who’s aboutta get fucked by another man.”

“Yeah, so? I fuck men, Calhoun, I don’t do that gay shit.”

Barney leaned into Gordon’s space, jabbing a finger into his chest. “Y’know what I think, Freeman? I think you’re a sick fuck who gets off on makin’ people feel bad. Maybe you want someone to make _you_ feel bad, I dunno. Either way I think you’re a coward who can’t face his own emotions. You just take all your shit out on everyone around you ‘cause you’re hoping that someone will finally snap and put you in your place.”

Gordon looked down at Barney’s hand, then back up. “The fuck is this psychoanalysis bullshit? I thought we were gonna fuck.” Despite his words, he sounded breathless. Anticipatory.

Barney watched Gordon’s tongue dart out to moisten his lips.

“Yeah,” Barney said eventually. “Thing is…I’m not so sure you deserve it.”

Gordon’s next inhale was shaky. “I—”

“Lucky for you,” Barney interrupted him, “I’m a nice guy. I like to give people what they want.”

Barney reached forward and fisted his hand in the front of Gordon’s shirt, stepping back so that Gordon had to stand or else let the shirt tear. Gordon struggled to his feet.

“Can y—guh,” Gordon choked out.

“Gonna have to run that one by me again,” Barney said, lips curving into a grin.

Gordon bared his teeth.

Barney _tsk_ ed. “Startin’ to think you’re all bark and no bite.”

“I’ll show you _bite,”_ Gordon said. He leaned in and licked a stripe up the side of Barney’s neck, making Barney shiver—and then delivered a sharp bite to his jaw.

Barney yelped, shoving Gordon back towards the bed. Gordon collapsed onto it, leaning back on his elbows and watching Barney with his eyes half-lidded.

“Pants off,” Barney ground out, rubbing his jaw.

“Want me to call you _sir,_ too? Or _Daddy?_ Could be the right age for it,” Gordon said, acerbic even as he fumbled with his belt buckle.

“Do you ever quit runnin’ your mouth?” Barney looked up from where he was fastening the harness around his hips long enough to fix Gordon with a glare. _“Don’t_ say ‘Make me’, Freeman, I swear.”

Gordon’s smile was all sharp eyeteeth. “No.” He peeled his pants off and threw them to the side in one fluid motion. He wasn’t wearing underwear. He leaned back, spreading his legs and cocking his head expectantly.

Barney climbed onto the bed, kneeling so that he was taller than Gordon. The twin bed, which was barely more than a cot, groaned and shifted under their combined weight. Barney reached out, passing a hand lightly over Gordon’s stomach. Freeman was altogether less wiry than _his_ Gordon, and while Freeman did seem to have slightly more muscle, he had more fat along with it. Freeman just had _bulk_ in a way that Gordon didn’t. He was a good couple inches shorter, too. But they were close enough.

“Come on,” Gordon hissed, breaking the silence. “Fuck me already.”

Barney trailed his hand down towards Gordon’s crotch, then changed direction suddenly and slapped his thigh.

“Ow! The fuck was that for?”

“I’ll fuck you when I want to,” Barney said, and that was that.

Gordon sucked in a breath as Barney’s hand passed over his other thigh, twitching hard when Barney moved as if to hit him again. Barney snorted.

Gordon gritted his teeth, but let Barney continue running his hands down his chest and over his thighs; rucking up his shirt to rub at his nipple, feathering through the coarse hairs on his stomach, pinching the slight pudge of his hip, each time brushing closer and closer to the wet heat between his legs. Each subsequent touch was agonizing, keying Gordon up further and further, making him wriggle and pant and whine through his teeth. After what felt like an eternity, Barney stopped, considering Gordon with a heavy gaze.

“What _now?”_ Gordon snapped, chest heaving.

Barney locked eyes with him. “Tell me if you need me to stop,” he said.

“Wh—” Gordon started, and then Barney leaned in, shoving two fingers into him without warning. “Gh—fuck! _Fuck!”_

“Hurts?” Barney asked, voice low as he fucked Gordon with his fingers.

“Y—” Gordon whined. “Mmh—a little. Don’t st— _ah!_ Don’t stop!”

Barney bit his lip, concentrating on the way Gordon felt around his fingers. He crooked them up, knowing he’d hit the spot he was looking for when Gordon clenched down hard around him. After a few seconds, he pulled his fingers out, running them up and down the outside of Gordon’s cunt a few times until they were wet and then giving the strap-on a few experimental pumps.

“I’m ready,” Gordon hissed, breathing hard, “I’m ready, I can take it, I _wanna_ take it, come on—”

Barney reached down, pinching Gordon’s dick between his thumb and forefinger.

Gordon _yowled._

“Sorry,” Barney said. “What was that?”

“Fucking shut up and _stick it in me already!”_

Barney lined up, pressing the head against Gordon’s hole. “Ask nicely.”

Gordon gave a put-upon sigh, reaching down to stroke his own dick lazily. “Isn’t it enough for you that I look like him? Come onnnn.”

Barney rolled his eyes. “You look like him enough, I guess, but believe me, the similarities end there.” He pushed in anyway with a grunt, and Gordon mewled, fingers stuttering against his dick as Barney started thrusting shallowly.

“He doesn’t let you do this to him, though, does he?” Gordon said, rolling his hips to meet Barney’s thrusts, trying to get him to push in deeper. “Doesn’t let you see him like this.”

“You don’t have to fuck someone to be vulnerable with them,” Barney snapped.

“Yeah? Well, if you two are so fucking lovey-dovey then how come I’m the one with your silicone dick inside me?”

Barney didn’t say anything, but he snapped his hips forward so that his next thrust hit Gordon deep inside.

Gordon threw his head back, groaning. “Fuuuuck yes. Like that. Anyway—oh _fuck_ yeah, fuck me—what’s it really matter? He’s me. And as much as it pains me to—mmh _fuck!_ —to admit to it, I’m him.”

Without warning, Barney started moving his hips faster, fucking into him harder. “You wish. You fucking _wish_ you were him. You’ll _never_ be him.”

Gordon full-on moaned, rubbing at his dick furiously. “Fuck, fuck—you think I give a shit? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not only the smartest, sexiest version of Gordon Freeman that exists—I’m the _only_ one, right now. So if you wanna keep getting your dick wet till this shit gets sorted out then you’d be better off forgetting about him.”

“Shut up!” Barney snarled. “Asshole! God, I hate you so fuckin’ much.”

Gordon laughed. “Then don’t fuck me, Calhoun. See if I care! I can get off on my own just fine.” He jerked back and pulled off of Barney’s strap, leaning away to finger himself instead. “See? You’re just convenient.”

Barney sat up on his knees and made a fist with his hand, twisting it into the sheet. “Alright, leave, then, Freeman. Get on up and go, I don’t need you either.”

Neither moved, save for the hypnotic pump of Gordon’s fingers in and out of himself. Gordon noticed Barney’s eyes tracking the movement, and he stopped with a smirk, spreading himself instead.

Barney gritted his teeth. But after a beat, he leaned in to meet Gordon, slipping easily inside him once more.

“See,” Gordon said, taunting him, matching Barney’s rhythm with his hips. “You—nnh—you do want me, you want _me_ instead of _him_ and—mnh, fuck!—I think that scares you.”

“Get real,” Barney spat back. “If you think there’s anyone I want besides Gordon, the _real_ Gordon, then you’re insane. It’s like you said, okay? You’re just convenient. That’s all.”

“Yeah,” Gordon breathed, closing his eyes. “Fuck. Yeah. Fuck me harder— _harder,_ you _incompetent—_ yessss _fuck_ right there right there—”

“Uh huh, you like that? Fuckin’ piece of shit,” Barney punctuated his statement with a particularly deep thrust, “—got you gaggin’ for it, can’t fuckin’ stand you, rude as shit, _no_ respect—”

Gordon came suddenly with a ragged moan, hands gripping the thin sheet beneath him. Barney slowed down and started to pull out, but Gordon reached up to yank him back in. “If you stop fucking me right now so help me God I will kill you in a way that hurts and that is a _promise.”_

Barney snorted. “Love my dick that much, huh? Well, go on. I’m tired. Fuck yourself if you want it so bad, Freeman.”

Gordon moaned again, planting his feet. He lifted his hips and rolled them, effectively fucking himself on Barney’s strap.

“You look good like that,” Barney said.

“Fuck _offff,”_ Gordon panted. “Oh, f—harder, c’mon, c’mon, like that—”

Barney shook his head, grinning. “I’m not moving. That’s all you.”

“Don’t care, stop talking, I’m close—I’m—yeah yeah _yeah fuck,_ oh _nnh—!”_

Gordon came for the second time, legs shaking with the effort of holding his hips up. After a few seconds, he collapsed back down onto the bed, Barney holding the base of the strap as he pulled out.

“God, I really needed that,” Gordon said, throwing a hand over his eyes.

“Hope you don’t mind if I fuck your face,” Barney said, tone casual, unbuckling the harness and tossing it aside. He was wet, and gave his dick a few cursory strokes before positioning himself over Gordon’s face.

Gordon reached up and threaded his arms underneath Barney’s thighs, so that his hands came to rest at his lower back. He licked a stripe up to Barney’s dick before pressing his tongue flat against it, the clear challenge coming through even in his eagerness.

 _“Fuck,_ Freeman. Think I like you better when you’re not talkin’ quite so much,” Barney said, jerking his hips against Gordon’s face.

Gordon nipped at his dick, earning him a yelp from Barney and a hand tugging at his hair, forcing him to pull away,

“What?” Gordon asked, scowling. His face was slick with fluid.

“Don’t fucking _bite me,”_ Barney ground out.

“If you weren’t _insulting me,_ I wouldn’t—” Gordon was abruptly cut off by Barney shoving his face between his legs again and grinding down. Gordon moaned, and though the sound was muffled, Barney could feel the vibration.

“Yeah,” Barney breathed, scratching at Gordon’s scalp. “Juuust like that. Mmh. Yeah.”

Gordon was good with his mouth, and he knew it. He thrust his tongue in and out of Barney, finding a rhythm, then breaking it to lap at his dick. Barney rubbed against him, groaning every time Gordon did something unexpected. It wasn’t long before Barney was flushed and panting, hips jerking more and more erratically.

“I’m close,” Barney muttered, “Real close, Gordon, fuck.”

Gordon slapped at the back of Barney’s thigh, flattening his tongue and licking Barney faster.

Barney came abruptly with a gasp, his hips stuttering against Gordon’s face. He ground his dick into Gordon’s face as he twitched. Eventually he released Gordon with a sigh, dropping down bonelessly beside him.

The two lay there, catching their breath on the too-small bed. Gordon pulled his shirt up to wipe at his face. “Uh, I can—I can make you cum again,” he offered, voice hoarse. “If you want.”

Barney waved him off.

“Okay, well—it—you were—” Gordon huffed, rolling onto his side so he was facing away from Barney. “Look, it...wasn’t terrible. Alright?”

Barney rolled over, too, so that he was spooning Gordon. He threw an arm over Gordon’s waist, feeling the other man stiffen. He rubbed a circle with his thumb against the jut of Gordon’s hipbone.

“Shut up,” Barney said. “Just...stop talking. Please. Let me have this. Okay?”

Gordon exhaled, but didn’t say anything.

Barney’s arm tightened around his waist, just for a second. “Thanks, Gordon.”


	2. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney and Alyx talk about Gordon.

“I just don’t get it,” Barney griped. “How can he be Gordon and still just be so—so different?”

Alyx shrugged. “They’re different people. We don’t know what he went through, how he was treated. Maybe he’s just processing poorly. I mean, not that that gives him an excuse to be an ass, but...”

“Yeah, okay, but how come Gordon,  _ our _ Gordon, could go through hell and back and still not end up like—like  _ that, _ y’know?”

“Well…” Alyx pursed her lips. “Who knows. Maybe our Gordon’s just better at hiding it. I mean, if it were you, going through all that, wouldn’t you be kinda pissed?”

Barney frowned. “I mean, I  _ am _ pissed, all the time. I  _ hate _ what happened, like—but—I mean, I’m not gonna take it out on folks who’re just tryin’ to _help.”_

“Maybe he doesn’t feel like he _has_ anyone to help him,” Alyx said. “I mean, I’m not trying to defend him, he sucks. But I also found out, like, the more I can convince him I’m on his side, the nicer he gets. I started telling him about antlion breeding the other day, actually. He was really into it, he had a lot of questions… I dunno. He’s not so bad.”

Barney squinted at her. “How hard did you deck him?”

Alyx snorted. “Not  _ that _ hard. He’s kind of a crybaby.”

They laughed at that until it stopped being funny and then they just stood together, enjoying the other's presence. Eventually, Alyx broke the silence.

“You think Gordon’ll find his way back?”

Barney looked sideways at her. “You kiddin’ me? Gordon Freeman? I don’t think anything could keep that guy away.”

Alyx reached out a hand to touch Barney’s shoulder. “You miss him a lot, huh?” 

Barney went quiet for a moment. “What makes you say that?”

“Nothing, I miss him too. It’s just…” Alyx looked off into the distance, then back at Barney. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with him. Freemind, I mean.”

Barney scrubbed a hand through his hair. “It’s not like that.”

“Like what?”

“Me ‘n him.”

“Which him?”

“Take your pick.”

Alyx studied him. Then she pulled her headband down around her neck, shook out her hair, and fixed the headband. “I know it’s none of my business. And I trust you.”

“...But?” Barney said.

Alyx sighed. “I don’t want to see you or Gordon get hurt when all this settles.”

Barney looked away. “Yeah. Me either. But you don’t have to worry about it, okay? Gordon’s gonna come back and then Freeman—Freemind—will fuck back off to wherever he came from, and that’ll be that.”

Alyx crossed her arms and waited for Barney to turn back so she could look him in the eye. When he did, she nodded. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> got one more planned after this [eyes emoji]

**Author's Note:**

> hi, i have a disease that makes me think abt freemind (self-diagnosed)
> 
> enormous shoutout to bellygunnr for posting [a different really good barney/freemind fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27734149) literally earlier tonight which pushed me 2 buckle down and get this posted after like days of working on it LOL
> 
> as always im [jewishbubby](https://jewishbubby.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, please leave a comment or drop me a line if u liked this! i have intense executive dysfunction but knowing that ppl actually like what i write is a huge motivator


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